Fat and frumpy!June 16, 2008 1:51 pm Advice
I’m working on a post about multiple orgasms (for men AND women!) but my test subject is apparently too happy with his single orgasm to help me with research. Pfft. Amateur.
Until then, you get this happy little filler post with a question from IRC.
here is a question for your site lauren, how do you make a girl feel special and sexy if she is feeling fat and frumpy?
Girls are weird. We think into things a lot, things that don’t need to be thought into. Oftentimes, this includes our looks or our bodies. You might think we are gorgeous without makeup, we might feel like monsters. Self confidence is weird, too.
There might not be a way for her to feel special and every little thing you say might be the wrong thing no matter what it is. A huge part of dealing with this is going to come from learning about exactly what is making her feel that way… and actually, she will deal better with it if she figures out why she’s feeling down. If this is a long-term issue or reoccurs quite often, it’s probably something you need to talk to her about; the more she complains about her own faults, the more often you’re probably going to notice them. I don’t understand why women do this. Anyway, my first point is this… personal insecurities can be relationship poison. Don’t let them be, and don’t let her turn them into a deal-breaker. You might want to try to find a way to get you both to the root of the issue before you just try to glaze over the problem with some sweet gestures. But, sweet gestures are surely a short-term remedy!
That said, one pretty safe gesture would be to compliment something about her that is really unique. A facial feature, a body part. Letting her know that you appreciate something that is a defining feature of her is a good way to point out that you notice what sets her apart from other girls. Be careful, though… if you stick with the same thing to compliment, it kind of loses it’s specialness. Pick something that you don’t usually notice or comment on. She’ll notice the thought.
Another point is that you might want to do what you can to make sure she gets plentiful and GOOD sleep. A good night sleep is pretty crucial to feeling happy and beautiful. We’ve all heard that good sleep will improve mood; it only makes sense that it also helps to combat depression and increase self assurance. Take some steps to help relax her; maybe a relaxing massage or a hot bath with some sort of relaxing scented bath salts. And of course… moderate exercise does help with mood, body image, and sleep. You probably don’t want to mention it when she’s feeling down about herself, but there are creative ways to get her involved in exercise; invite her on a kayaking trip during the day, then take her home for that massage and bath. She’ll sleep like a baby and feel fantastic in the morning!
Basically, she just needs to know that you appreciate her for who she is. As long as it isn’t a consistently reoccurring state of mind, it’s pretty normal to feel “frumpy” every now and then. Your job is to help her to realize that her insecurities with herself have nothing to do with your feelings for her. Getting her mind off of it or helping her out of the mood is secondary to finding out exactly why she feels the way she does and trying to get her on a path to making HERSELF feel good.
Comments are appreciated, and I’m in need of some more e-mails!! firstname.lastname@example.org